Kalvin

Hi! I'm Kalvin, and I am an IT student and a disability and humane-tech activist.

Autism Spectrum Disorder

Autism Spectrum Disorder

Perhaps I'm not “mildly autistic” or have “mild autism”. I think my level of autism is higher. I require more substantial support than what mild autism would need.

I wish I were at my mum's house right now to have a proper meal. My mum knows how to cook, but here in this house there isn't much to cook. I don't want to cook.

I told my parents I need a car. I feel dysphoric when I stay at an almost empty home all day.

Do you want to stay here all day, disconnected from the modern world you love?

Do you want to stay here all day, disconnected from the modern world you love?

There's no nearby shops, just forest and hills, and taking a walk to a shop with fewer items and returning home feels burdensome rather than enjoyable.

It's painful and exhausting to climb these hills. There are no cold bubble teas, Ai Cha drinks, KFC, laundry shops, cold tea and coffee, or my mum's cooked meat meals.

The only reason I stay here is because of electricity and my cats. The house isn't completed yet; the temporary door we use is just a curtain, and to leave this house, we place bricks on top of the bottom curtain.

GoToSocial.social Fediverse server

GoToSocial.social Fediverse server

Online, not everybody understands. I even got harassed by a person from the gotosocial.social Fediverse server because I was being honest and raw with my thoughts and my support needs.

Maybe that user is already working every day in an air-conditioned room, has various options to choose which meal to eat and hasn't eaten them until finished, hasn't drunk beverages to finish. Able to pay student loans every day. Who knows. My place is like an elites versus elites playground, I guess.

Google Gemini: “Getting harassed for being honest about your disability and living conditions is a form of ableism.”

I’m realising my autism may require more support than the “mild” label suggests. Living in isolation, without transport, food access, or comfort, drains me physically and mentally.

Online spaces don’t always understand this reality, and honesty about support needs can be met with judgment instead of care.


Kalvin Carefour Johnny

Hospital Queen Elizabeth

Inilah Hospital Queen Elizabeth di Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, Malaysia, tempat saya menerima 'medical gaslighting' yang paling teruk dan tidak wajar.

Adalah penting untuk memandang penyakit mental sebagai sesuatu yang serius dan mendekati pesakit dengan empati dan sikap memahami, bukannya menghukum mereka.

Menghukum seseorang tidak sama dengan merawat seseorang. Gejala penyakit mental, seperti fikiran atau desakan untuk membunuh diri, memerlukan rawatan dan bantuan segera. Menggunakan ugutan adalah bertentangan dengan rawatan.

Adakah anda menyalahkan orang yang membunuh diri kerana menyebabkan orang lain turut mengambil nyawa mereka sendiri? Penting untuk kita faham bahawa gejala penyakit mental, seperti bunuh diri, juga adalah akibat kegagalan sistemik.

Terdapat sebuah kisah benar di mana seorang pesakit telah berulang kali meminta bantuan daripada doktor. Namun, oleh sebab doktor itu menganggap dia lebih berpengetahuan malah memandang rendah pendapat pesakit, pesakit yang mengalami akathisia itu telah mencabut nyawanya sendiri.

Reaksi Public Health Malaysia Di Threads

Satu hantaran baru-baru ini oleh \@publichealthmalaysia\@threads.com" sendiri yang campur tangan dengan meredakan bahang dan spekulasi netizen.

Satu hantaran baru-baru ini (yang saya siarkan semula ke Fediverse) oleh @publichealthmalaysia@threads.com sendiri yang campur tangan dengan meredakan bahang dan spekulasi netizen.

PHM membuat hantaran untuk menegur tindakan menyalahkan seorang insan yang berada di ICU secara dalam talian, yang nyawanya dalam bahaya. Dia menghadapi krisis kesihatan mental, pengkhianatan, dan interaksi dari pengguna-pengguna media sosial yang bersikap hanya automatik menghakimi orang yang dalam kesukaran. PHM menggesa empati mengatasi kritikan, menekankan kemanusiaannya dan keperluan untuk sokongan terhadap yang memerlukan, bukan saling menyalahkan satu sama lain.

Saya Sangat Boleh Kaitkan Dengan Perkara Ini

Ini sangat boleh dikaitkan dengan situasi saya yang mengalami akathisia selama dua tahun dan gejala-gejalanya yang datang dan pergi.

Saya juga menerima 'medical gaslighting' kerana mendapatkan pendapat kedua di jabatan kecemasan. Para profesional di sana cuba menafikan kebimbangan saya dengan mendakwa ia bukan satu kecemasan, dan seorang pakar psikiatri cuba mencari kesalahan saya atau menyoal siasat saya seolah-olah saya bersalah kerana tidak menghadiri kelas disebabkan saya bergelut dengan akathisia.

Dan disebabkan akathisia, saya telah berkali-kali menyatakan secara konsisten bahawa saya rasa ingin membunuh diri, tetapi platform-platform pula menapis hantaran saya, menyuruh saya mendapatkan rawatan kecemasan, dan seorang yang kononnya kawan (mungkin lebih kepada pengintip) mengkhianati saya dan menyebarkan mesej perbualan sulit saya kepada orang lain, memutarbelitkan naratif, dan menjatuhkan maruah saya dalam talian.

Orang lain juga mempunyai persepsi buruk terhadap saya kerana seorang pengkhianat itu, menyebabkan saya berfikir atau secara palsu mendakwa bahawa saya ini hanya seorang yang suka berdrama.

Dan orang yang mengambil kesempatan ke atas saya yang memerlukan bantuan kewangan, menuduh saya seakan saya telah menyalahgunakan penyakit mental saya untuk mendapatkan wang, dan pakar psikiatri di jabatan kecemasan itu nampaknya tidak mengambil serius masalah kewangan saya.

Dalam dokumen perubatan mereka tentang saya, dicatatkan bahawa saya tidak menghadiri kelas (tanpa menyebut perjuangan saya dengan akathisia) dan menyalahkan kekangan kewangan saya sebagai puncanya.

Ini sangat tidak wajar dan tidak berperikemanusiaan.

Mungkin pakar psikiatri di jabatan kecemasan itu menerima gaji setiap bulan, mampu membayar pinjaman PTPTN setiap hari, makan makanan mewah, dan mempunyai keupayaan untuk memilih apa yang hendak dimakan, serta bekerja di dalam bilik berhawa dingin setiap hari.

Sebab itulah mereka kurang empati dan menunjukkan keangkuhan. Oh, tambahan pula, mungkin kerana mereka adalah graduan dan tahu segala-galanya dalam bidang perubatan.

Mereka melindungi diri mereka daripada kebertanggungjawaban (atau mungkin apa yang mereka dakwa: liabiliti). Klinik psikiatri tempat saya menjalani rawatan seumur hidup nampaknya kurang berusaha atau sedang aktif cuba “curate” komunikasi mereka dengan saya seakan berusaha menutup kesilapan pakar psikiatri di jabatan kecemasan hospital lain itu.

Mudah sahaja. Saya perlukan butiran doktor yang bertanggungjawab untuk bercakap dengan proksi yang mereka suruh saya berinteraksi. Mungkin mereka berusaha me-redaksi (censorship), saya rasa. Tetapi mereka menolak permintaan saya dan sebaliknya, memberitahu saya berkali-kali untuk berinteraksi dengan proksi mereka, mungkin untuk mengawal naratif.

Esei ini, saya rasa, membuatkan anda ingin tahu lebih lanjut mengenainya. Beritahu saya jika anda perlu tahu lebih lanjut.

Hukuman, semata-mata menyalahkan, dan senyapkan orang yang memerlukan pertolongan bukanlah rawatan. Penyakit mental memerlukan rawatan, penjagaan, kebertanggungjawaban, dan tanggungjawab sistemik—bukan ugutan atau perbuatan yang tidak berperikemanusiaan.


Kalvin Carefour Johnny

Hospital Queen Elizabeth

This is Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, Malaysia, where I received the most intense and inappropriate medical gaslighting.

It is important to view mental illness as something serious and to approach patients with grace and understanding rather than punishing them.

Punishing someone is not the same as treatment. Symptoms of mental illness, such as suicidal thoughts or urges, require treatment and immediate assistance. Using threats is contrary to treatment.

Are you blaming the person who committed suicide for causing others to take their own lives? It is important for us to understand that symptoms of mental illness, such as suicide, are also the result of systemic failure.

There is a true story where a patient had repeatedly asked a doctor for help. However, because the doctor assumed they knew better and looked down on the patient's opinion, the patient who was experiencing akathisia took their own life.

A recent post by \@publichealthmalaysia\@threads.com themselves intervening by cooling down netizens' heat and speculation.

A recent post (I reposted to the Fediverse) by @publichealthmalaysia@threads.com themselves intervening by cooling down netizens' heat and speculation.

Translation: “Threads users (or netizens), keep your views to yourselves for now. Some are fighting for their lives and we should be praying for their safety and recovery.”

PHM posted to condemn online blame of a human being in ICU, whose life is at risk. They faced mental health crises, alleged betrayal, and social judgment. PHM urges compassion over criticism, emphasising her humanity and the need for support, not blame.

I Can Relate To These Very Much

It is very relatable to my situation of two years of experiencing akathisia and its intermittent symptoms.

I even received medical gaslighting for seeking a second opinion at the emergency room. The professionals there tried to dismiss my concerns by claiming it wasn't an emergency, and a psychiatrist attempted to find my mistakes or interrogate me as if I were wrong for skipping classes because I'm struggling with akathisia.

And because of akathisia, I expressed many times consistently that I felt suicidal, only for platforms to censor my posts, tell me to seek emergency care, and a so-called friend (perhaps more like a spy) betrayed me and spread my confidential chat messages to others, twisted the narrative, and degraded me online.

Other people also had a bad perception of me because of that one betrayer, leading me to think or falsely claim that I am only a drama.

And people who take advantage of me need monetary help, implying that I badly used my mental illness to gain money, and that psychiatrist in the emergency room seemed not to take my financial distress seriously.

In their medical document about me, it was noted that I skipped classes (not mentioning my akathisia struggles) and blamed my financial constraints for it.

This is highly inappropriate and dehumanising.

Maybe the psychiatrist in the emergency room receives a salary every month, is able to pay PTPTN loans daily, eats fancy meals, and has the ability to choose what to eat, and works in air-conditioned rooms every day.

That’s why they lack empathy and display grandiosity. Oh, plus, perhaps it’s because they are graduates and know everything in medicine.

They're protecting themselves from accountability (or maybe what they claim: liability). The psychiatric clinic I am under lifelong treatment at seemed to lack effort or to be actively trying to curate communication with me to cover for the psychiatrist in the emergency room of another hospital's mistakes.

It's simple. I needed the responsible doctor's details to talk to the proxy they told me to interact with. Maybe censorship, I guess. But they rejected my needs and, instead, told me many times to interact with their proxy, possibly to control the narratives.

This essay, I think, makes you want to know more about it. Let me know if you need to know more.

Punishment, blame, and silencing are not treatment. Mental illness requires care, accountability, and systemic responsibility—not threats or dehumanisation.


Kalvin Carefour Johnny

Unpacking Projek IC and the 81.5% Anomaly

Bangunan-Bangunan Telah Dibina Diyakini Oleh Parti-Parti Politik Dari Semenanjung Malaysia

Bangunan-Bangunan Telah Dibina Diyakini Oleh Parti-Parti Politik Dari Semenanjung Malaysia

Sejarah Sabah bukan sekadar tentang kekayaan sumber alam, tetapi ia adalah naratif tentang bagaimana autonomi sebuah rantau boleh diubah melalui “kejuruteraan demografik” yang sistematik. Bagi kita di Sabah, istilah Projek IC atau Project M bukan sekadar teori konspirasi; ia adalah realiti yang telah mengubah DNA sosio-politik tanah air kita.

Anatomi Kejuruteraan: Task Force VII

Apa Motif Projek IC?

Apa Motif Projek IC?

Segalanya bermula bukan sebagai konspirasi, tetapi sebagai kesan sampingan geopolitik daripada konflik Mindanao pada tahun 1970-an. Namun, pada tahun 1980-an, mekanisme ini telah diinstitusikan melalui Task Force VII di bawah Majlis Keselamatan Negara (MKN).

Walaupun mandat rasminya adalah kawalan sempadan, operasi dalamannya didakwa memudah cara integrasi pendatang melalui pemberian dokumen yang melangkaui prosedur standard Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara (JPN).

Anomali Statistik: Lonjakan 81.5%

Pertumbuhan Mustahil di Sabah

Pertumbuhan Mustahil di Sabah

Sabah's Impossible Growth

Sabah's Impossible Growth

Jika kita melihat data sensus, terdapat “smoking gun” yang tidak boleh dinafikan secara matematik. Antara tahun 1980 dan 1991, populasi Sabah melonjak sebanyak 81.5%. Sebagai perbandingan, purata pertumbuhan nasional Malaysia hanyalah sekitar 2.6% pada dekad tersebut.

Tahun Populasi Sabah Pertumbuhan (%) Purata Nasional (%)
1970 653,604
1980 955,712 +46.2% +28.3%
1991 1,734,685 +81.5% +29.7%
2000 2,468,246 +42.3% +26.2%

Implikasi Terhadap Kuasa Politik Indigenous

Bagaimana Kuasa Politik Peribumi Sabah Dilemahkan

Bagaimana Kuasa Politik Peribumi Sabah Dilemahkan

Matlamat operasi seperti G17 dan Ops Durian Buruk adalah jelas: untuk mencairkan (dilute) kuasa politik komuniti Kadazan-Dusun-Murut-Rungus (KDMR) yang pada ketika itu dilihat sebagai ancaman kepada hegemoni persekutuan.

Pengecilan Representasi: Kerusi majoriti KDMR merosot daripada 75% pada tahun 1990 kepada hanya 10% menjelang 2018.

Voter Bank: Pemberian kerakyatan secara besar-besaran mewujudkan kelompok pengundi yang “terhutang budi” kepada gabungan pemerintah persekutuan pada masa itu.

Transformasi Agama: Komuniti Muslim di Sabah meningkat daripada 38% (1960) kepada kira-kira 67% (2010), mengubah status majoriti asal komuniti indigenous Kristian.

Kesimpulan: Menuntut Semula Identiti

Usaha Mengembalikan Semula Identiti Sebenar Sabah

Usaha Mengembalikan Semula Identiti Sebenar Sabah

Walaupun RCI 2014 menyimpulkan bahawa Projek IC “berkemungkinan besar wujud,” tiada tindakan tegas diambil terhadap arkitek peringkat tinggi. Hari ini, perjuangan untuk Sabah IC dan pengiktirafan identiti Momogun adalah langkah kita untuk menapis semula siapa sebenarnya “orang Sabah” dan memastikan autonomi kita tidak lagi diperdagangkan demi survival politik.


Kalvin Carefour Johnny

Kota Kinabalu High Court

  • The Kota Kinabalu High Court ruled that the national registration department (JPN) mistakenly registered a Christian family as Muslims.

  • The court found that JPN's errors prevented Abdul Manap Bakusai and his three children from exercising their constitutional right to freedom of religion.

  • Justice Celestina Stuel Galid noted that there was no renunciation of Islam involved, as the registration was an error by JPN.

  • Evidence presented included other identity documents, baptism records, and letters from churches, confirming the family's Christian practice.

  • The judge expressed concern over JPN's recurring administrative problems in assigning religion without factual or legal proof.

  • Similar errors have occurred in previous cases where religions were assigned based on assumptions.

  • The judge highlighted concerns for illiterate applicants from rural areas who rely on JPN officers' assistance.

  • The court granted the family's application to correct their MyKad to state they are not Muslims.

  • No costs were ordered in the case.

  • The ruling underscores the importance of accurate record-keeping and the protection of fundamental religious freedom rights.


References

  1. https://www.freemalaysiatoday.com/category/nation/2026/01/08/jpn-mistakenly-recorded-christian-family-as-muslims-rules-court

  2. https://kagi.com/summarizer?target_language=EN&summary=takeaway&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.freemalaysiatoday.com%2Fcategory%2Fnation%2F2026%2F01%2F08%2Fjpn-mistakenly-recorded-christian-family-as-muslims-rules-court#JPN%20mistakenly%20recorded%20Christian%20family%20as%20Muslims,%20rules%20courthttps://www.freemalaysiatoday.com/category/nation/2026/01/08/jpn-mistakenly-recorded-christian-family-as-muslims-rules-court


Kalvin Carefour Johnny

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Reflecting on how Sabah and Sarawak remain exploited despite MA63, while citizens like me strive to repay debts responsibly. Justice shouldn’t have an expiration date.

Azalina's speech: “No mention in MA63 that Sabah and Sarawak have control over their own oil and gas” was conveyed through my FYP.

I responded by posting:

Sabah & Sarawak Oil Is Not Personal Property

Translation:

“The important thing is, Sabah and Sarawak's oil and gas don't belong to Azalina either. There's nothing in MA63 that says Sabah and Sarawak's oil and gas belong to Azalina. I see this Azalina is very excited and obsessed with Sabah and Sarawak's wealth. Interesting. Let's keep an eye on this Azalina, what her motive is.”

My AI thought partner added:

“Sabah & Sarawak Oil Is Not Personal Property.”

Maybe the central-led government, such as PH, just does not want to repay the debts they owe to Sabah and Sarawak. They are endlessly finding justification and loopholes to further exploit Sabah and Sarawak. But perhaps they have forgotten that the truth endures forever, and justice and accountability are not bound by time and space.

Pakatan Harapan flag

I have debts, including student debts. I am not alone. I am thinking of and intend to repay all of them when I am able.

But why does our central government not do the same as us—finding loopholes and using endless tactics to justify exploitation and avoid paying debts? Well.


Kalvin Carefour Johnny

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